Sunday marked the two year anniversary of my moving to Australia. In that time I think I’ve adapted fairly well. When I went back home in July some friends seemed a bit surprised that I don’t sound any more Australian now than I did before I left Canada. I’m not surprised as I think as an adult I’ve kind of passed the stage of picking up a new accent.

However, I have picked up a fair bit of Australian lingo that I find myself using relatively regularly. “Reckon” is a big one I use a lot. Calling “Grade 8″ by it’s Aussie moniker “Year 8″ is another one I’m pretty comfortable with now too. I also find myself shortening words and phrases: a traditional Australian pastime. Australians are the absolute masters of looking at a two syllable word and condensing it to one. Why waste the breath?

But every now and then the Australian lingo I’ve picked up and my complete lack of an Australian accent come together it what can best be described as a Linguistic Train Wreck. Recently I used the term “mate” (as in “Sounds good, mate.”) with a friend and it was later pointed out to me that it sounded really bizarre. The “mate” came out of my North American mouth sounding exactly as it looks to a Canadian or an American. Australians, of course, pronounce it a bit more like this. It’s not quite “mite” but it’s not quite “mate” either. It’s kind of “miiiaaggghhhht.” Or something.

So now I’m a bit paranoid and self-conscious about the whole situation. Here I am, two years later, thinking I’m fitting in with my vast knowledge of Australian colloquialisms but really I’m just entertaining the Aussies with my foolish accent. I don’t lose any sleep over it though. I know which nation pronounces “mate” correctly.

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It’s been a while since I’ve written about Australian wildlife destroying humans. I had one story saved and ready to go when just today a commenter left a little note on my previous post linking me to a story about, get this, a woman who was killed by a camel. First of all, yes, there are LOTS of camels running around Australia. They were introduced to Australia in the 1840s and they decided to stay. And breed. And now they are just another of the introduced pests that are running amok in Australia (see also: the Cane Toad, rabbits, KFC). Anyway, this woman recently received a camel as a present for her 60th birthday as she liked “exotic pets.” Unfortunately this pet….well….

It knocked her to the ground, lay on top of her and displayed what the police delicately described as possible mating behaviour.

I’d have to say that is pretty low on my Ways To Die list. I must say though, when I started writing this blog I don’t think I’d ever be writing about a camel attack. Not sure if it’s stranger than the sea lion rampage though.

The original story I was waiting to write about is actually a great tale of survival in the harsh Australian wilderness. This man spent SEVEN days up a tree while crocodiles circled beneath him. He had two sandwiches to help him make it through but I wonder how he slept. Falling out of a tree while sleeping would be terrifying without crocodiles waiting below. I can’t imagine what was going through this guy’s head.

And while I admire his determination to survive, I do question the decisions he made that led him to “(falling) straight into a crocodile nest,” (which “spooked” him, by the way):

His problems began after he fell off his horse while out in the northern Australia outback. Dazed and bleeding, he climbed back on his horse and hoped it would lead him home. It was only when he regained his senses he realised he had been taken deep into a crocodile-infested swamp.

Is he new? He thought the horse would lead him back home? Horses are the short bus riders of the animal kingdom pal and you should know that before you ever get on one. Regardless, he managed to survive long enough for rescuers to find him.

No word on what happened to the horse.

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But that (^) is not Sydney.

On one of my last days in Vancouver I went hiking with my friend CJ. He pretended to know where we were going while I was oblivious to his total inability to get his head out of his ass (I kid CJ!). So while we didn’t hit the viewpoints we planned to, we did manage to find that beautiful view of Vancouver. The trail left from Buntzen Lake and proceeded straight up the side of a mountain for an hour. Fun times.

But now I’m back in Sydney where the total lack of mountains on the horizon often leads me feeling rather disoriented. Plus the ocean is on the wrong side. It’s a wonder I don’t end up walking off into the bush or falling out of bed. I really don’t feel comfortable without Nature’s Reference Points.

And totally unrelated, but Xanax is the only way to fly.