Damn this timezone!

Last night I decided I had to stay up all night after my debacle the previous night/morning. On night 1 of the Round of 16 the first game was on at 1am. That’s easy. But then I decided to get a couple hours sleep after that game finished and before the second game began at 5am.

Mistake.

I don’t know about you but when my alarm goes off at 4:56am I’m not in the best frame of mind to be making any sort of decision. Turns out that depsite the fact that the Sean of two hours earlier really did want to watch the Argentina v. Mexico game, the mostly asleep Sean of 4:56am did not.

4:56am Sean won out and I pushed the alarm clock away and returned the welcoming warmth of my pillow. 11am Sean woke-up and was pretty pissed with 4:56am Sean, especially after seeing what a great game it was. And the goal that won it for Argentina. I was not about to make the same mistake last night. The early (1am) game was England v. Ecuador. England again looked mostly crap but somehow managed to muddle their way through. Then there was the two hour lull before the Portugal v. Holland game kicked off at 5am.

I used my time wisely. I was smart and turned on the light in our living room to try and trick my brain into thinking it wasn’t the dead of night. I then worked on my VISA application (the immigration one, not the credit card) for a while. This was followed by a light snack and then an hour was wiled away on the internet – easy to do if you’re me.

At 5am Portugal, led by Cry Baby Cristiano Ronaldo (see above), took to the field against my third choice team Holland. I was dozing a bit in the first half but then the second half started and the Canadian in me thought I was watching a hockey game. Fights, pushing, violence. It was incredibly entertaining in a bad way. The ref lost total control and proceeded to set a record for red cards and yellow cards.

Needless to say the second half kept me awake as I spent quite a bit of time laughing. And as an England fan I was having a great time watching Portugal players get sent off/headbutt opponents/get maimed. Portugal will be without Deco and Costinha against England on the weekend. In addition, the Cry Baby may be unable to play due to an injured thigh, and Luis Figo may face some FIFA action for mistaking someone’s head for the ball.

I ended up going to bed at 7:15am as Amanda was leaving for work. And while I don’t feel too bad today, the past couple weeks I have not been sleeping properly at all due to late night soccer games and I’m afraid I could snap at any moment. You’ve all been warned.

Other than that, there is the small matter of Australia playing Italy in just over an hour. Sydney is about to get very noisy no matter what happens. I really should be in Leichardt watching this one with the Italians but I think the couch will miss me if I go. It’s gotten pretty used to my ass over the past couple weeks.

…God said “Let small airplanes spread my message in the sky.”

Have I mentioned that trees grow sideways here?

It’s getting near a year since I moved to Sydney and while I still don’t feel Australian there are definite signs that I have become enmeshed within my still relatively new surroundings.

1. Fewer brushes with death at crosswalks

When I cross streets now I automatically look right without having to think about it. Which is nice. When I first got here I constantly looked left first (even with the painted reminders on the street).

2. I sing along to commercial jingles

I’ve actually been doing this for a while now. The first one I noticed myself singing was Harvey Norman (“Go Harvey Norman, GO!”). I still think Harvey Norman is bad name for your electronics shop.

3. I actually find myself emotionally involved with the Socceroos

Perhpas it was watching them qualify for the World Cup back in November…I’m not sure. But I do know that after England I really really want Australia to do well in the World Cup. And perhaps an even stronger sign of my allegiance is that I actually think they can get to the next round.

4. I’m cold

It’s embarassing. As a Canadian the locals here look to me for leadership in times of climatic calamity. Like when it gets cold. In the staffroom at my last job I found myself huddled around the heater with another Northerner (from England). The two of us would be shivering and complaining about the lack of insulation in buildings here while the Australians around us would be relaxing casually commenting on it being cool. After an Australian summer you really do acclimatize quickly.

5. I own a shirt with Bert Newton’s face on it

Pics to follow…

Amanda loves to decorate. I do not. However, the thought of annoying her by “decorating” for the World Cup was far too powerful to resist. The England v. Paraguay game is just over an hour away!

Come on England!

EXTREMELY IMPORTANT ADVICE AND RECOMMENDATIONS TO BE PASSED ON TO WIVES, GIRLFRIENDS, FIANCES, MOTHERS, SISTERS, DAUGHTERS, ETC. (TO ALL WOMEN IN GENERAL). THESE RULES ARE TO BE COMMUNICATED PRIOR TO THE WORLD CUP IN JUNE/JULY THIS YEAR…

LIST OF RULES

1. From 9th June to 9th July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don’t mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I won’t have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.

4. During games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor…it won’t happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six-packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 3pm to 9pm (AEST time), unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, PLEASE!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say “get over it, it’s only a game,” or “don’t worry, they’ll win next time.” If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never know more about football than me and your so called “words of encouragement” will only lead to break up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only of the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note that I am saying “one” game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to “spend time together.”

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don’t care if I’ve seen them or if I haven’t seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.

But if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

10. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying “but you have already seen this…why don’t you just change the channel to something we can all watch??”, the reply will be: “Refer to Rule #2 of this list.”

11. And finally, please save your expressions such as “Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years.” I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, the Premier League, La Liga, etc etc.

12. Thank you for your co-operation.

Regards,

Men of the World

Editor’s Note: I did not write this. I merely copied a document I received at work this week.