Yes, like being hit with a well-thrown softball. That is the answer to a question I didn’t think I would ever truly know the answer to. The question you ask?
What does it feel like to have a seagull divebomb you and slam into your shoulder?
Manly is a short ferry ride away from Circular Quay in Sydney. My three visiting Canadian friends and I ventured over to Manly on Monday despite the fact that it was cloudy and cool out. I love days like that! Oh how I miss their regularity! After an enjoyable half hour ferry ride on Sydney Harbour (I really do love the trip to Manly) we got off at the wharf, resisted immediate temptation at The Bald Man, and proceeded down whatever that pedestrian mall thing is in Manly. I stopped at Hungry Jack’s (Burger King to the rest of the world) to grab some food as I was starving. We decided to go sit on the stairs at Manly Beach while I ate my Whopper.
Shortly after our appearance on the stairs, the seagulls took a slightly overzealous interest in our being there. Now as I was the only one with food, I can say without any sense of hubris that it was me they had their beady little eyes on. All was going well until…
I was mid-bite. There was burger in my mouth, my hand holding that tasty, greasy feast to my eager lips.
Then….suddenly……BAM! I was hit! My shoulder!
*Cue slowmotion and sad, yet uplifting, orchestral swell*
I only caught a glimpse of a white blur out of the corner of my right eye as my shoulder tensed suddenly, bracing itself against the brutish attack from the skies. I jerked to my left towards Audrey, who had front row seats for viewing the half-masticated, airborne chunk of ground beef flying from my mouth.
It was over as fast as it had began. I was left to take stock of the situation while my three companions began to laugh. Loudly and cruelly. There were many “Oh my Gods!” and “A seagull flew into you!!”
Good times. Now, as I was still hungry, I had managed to hold on to my burger during the blitz, so I went on eating. While the beast may have lunged for my lunch, it was foiled by my cat-like reflexes.
Sean – 1
Seagull – 0
It was only later on that I began to wonder. While I may have held onto the burger, that doesn’t mean the filthy bird hadn’t touched it. And I ate it. I’m fairly sure Bird Flu does not transmit itself in such ways. Still, a dirty seagull burger was ingested. Yummy.
Sean – 1
Seagull – 1
My shoulder and neck ached for the rest of the day.
Sean – 1
Seagull – 2
I only wish it had been caught on video:
Man vs Nature in the eternal struggle of subsistence. What a Hungy Jack’s commercial it could be!
Sadly, that was only the middle of three attacks I suffered over the course of two days. I was also victimized by a dangerously carbonated can of Diet Coke (there may be a lawsuit in that one) and a boy of about five years of age who waited until I turned (at the behest of my girlfriend I may add) to look at him to violently push a burp out in my face at close range. His parents were not pleased.
We had a laugh.
But yes, in case you are ever wondering:
It feels like being hit with a well-thrown softball.